The Daily Pendinian – 29.10.09

Why can’t I go to PAM FEST with all the other Big Boys?

No show for Welsh Capitals Uber couple - `HENLOWRI` at Pendine Acoustic Music Festival this weekend

Pendine oligarch and music impresario Andy `the fracture` Edwards, 49 yesterday announced to friends and fellow musicians via his MSN that virtuoso rock mandolinist Henry `The Kitten` Jones will not now be appearing at this weekend’s acoustic musical extravaganza at the resorts premier location, The Crow’s Nest, Morfa Bay (www.morfabay.com).

Jones / Idol

`The Fracture`, 50 said that Jones, 33 had said to him earlier in the week that he was `itching to get his instrument out and caress it during the event`, particularly if he’d be allowed to do it between Big fat gay uncle Lyndon 46, and Ginger Gareth from Narberth 44.

Uncle Lyndon (left) and his legal team at a recent hearing into a charge of inappropriate / lewd behaviour in public place

Idol Jones, 36 had said his long term partner and business handler Ms Lowri Lloyd-Hughes had initially been `fairly warm to the idea of PAM FEST` but had advised him late in the week that `people from out of town were visiting with them this weekend`. Some delicate, high level negotiations had taken place in an attempt to rescue the situation but the fracture, 51 had said that `in the end the stronger man had won`.

`The Fracture`, 53 went on to say on the web that he knew little more than this other than to add that unnamed `sources` close to the leading couple had said that Billy Idol Jones 38, had been dreaming for weeks of overlaying some intricate rock mandolin over some of Lyndon, 48 and Gareth’s, 47 art.

The Fracture / Hermun Edwards

He had also hoped to slot in with Ian `Frog` Jones, 56 and his new folk super group `Yasgur’s Farm` and had been developing some Phrygian, mixolydian fusion jazz scales that he thought would fit in with Ian’s unusual musical style.

The Yasgur’s front man Frog, 58 of no fixed abode, London is known to enjoy using some unusual musical keys and sometimes employs several in a single piece.

Ian `Frog` Jones – Avant Garde tendencies

Devastated Idol Jones, 39 had it is reported, even booked appointments at local salons to `Billy` up his look ahead of the festival and had also been to view some new leather outfits at a specialist men’s shop in the city for his headline act. All this is now to be shelved and a weekend of home duties and shopping awaits the master Mandolin stroker.

Jones yesterday outside his company’s offices

PAM FEST 31st October (Halloween)

The Pendine Acoustic Music Festival is on. The Crow's Nest Arena at Morfa Bay Adventure Centre is the venue for the massing of a lot of mediocre below average music in aid of Diabetes UK.

With nobody willing to take the top billing for various reasons who knows what's going to happen!

Performers have been quoted:

'I can't go on last because i won't be able to drink all day'

'I've had to have reconstruction surgery on the little finger of my left hand following a bizarre tree chopping accident and therefore won't be able to strand up that late in the night'

'I'm on anti-biotics'

'Three months ago I broke my back in a bizarre cycling accident and won't be able to jump about if I go on too late'

A packed house is expected with the excitement building throughout the day as the belly pork will be sizzling on the BBQ. The running order goes something like this from 2 p.m on:

• TWO FAT CYCLISTS
• YASGUR'S FARM
• FRANK JENKINS EXPERIENCE
• HUMBLE HYBEL
• UNCLE LYNDON
• JOHN WRIGHT AND MEURIG
• CERI
• STARCROSS LOVERS
• YASGUR'S FARM
• TWO FAT CYCLISTS
• FRANK JENKINS EXPERIENCE
• UNCLE LYNDON AND GINGER GAR
• ENSEMBLE

All proceeds for DIABETES UK

PAM FEST 31st October (Halloween) - Suggested Looks

Ahead of this months Pendine Acoustic Music Festival (PAM FEST) which takes place on Halloween at the new Crows Nest facility at Morfa Bay Adventure Centre (http://www.morfabay.com/), Pork Pie has been out developing some new looks for the music duo The Two Fat Cyclists as well as perhaps for Big Uncle Lyndon and Ginger Gareth.

Please feel free to comment on your favourite look.....

1. Scary George Clooney / Richard Nixon Cross Breed

2. Halatosis Friday Night Date

3. Wonky PTI Instructor / Commodore Cooper on Acid

4. Something for the Weekend

5. Seasick Andy Edwards / Something for the Ladies

Scary Pork Pie

The Bear's Back...No the Bear IS BACK !!!!

The Bear is Back..... with a Back in Tact... At least for the time being till he comes off again.

After 14 weeks lazing about on his back feeling sorry for himself and getting fat Mao Tse` finally got back on his wheels for the first time today.

Following positive advice regards light exercise from his large retinue of personal Tesco Value Accident Insurance physicians (based in Crete, The UK, Florida and everywhere else he comes off his bike), but against the advice of Mrs Suzie `Mao` Edwards a gentle spin along the flat of The Ginst was undertaken today in bright October sunshine.

Todays event was under some initial doubt after an earlier aborted walk along the beach at Pendine with Mrs Mao. After only 100m of the walk `The Back` was moaning and not up for the challenge and Mrs Mao took a dim view of the lack of effort Chairman Tung was putting in and declared "if you can't do 100m with me along the beach, your not going cycling with Pork Pie"....

However, after some delicate Kofi Annan style negotiations and an hour's guitar and singing practice at Penllew which included some new material for the upcoming gig supporting London folk supergroup `Yasgur's Farm` at the New Three Mariners (30th Oct) and PAM FEST 09 (31st Oct) at the Crows Nest, Morfa Bay (http://www.morfabay.com/), Mrs Mao relented and the VW was fired up for the short trip to The Ginst. Light, turning over of the cogs was the order of the day and after a gentle 7 miles the chairman went home looking happy.

While Mao as can be seen in some of the photos didn`t make too much of an effort in the satorial stakes (no change there then), Pork Pie can be seen exhibiting the new high quality merino wool Two Fat Cyclist's jersey kindly supplied by Shutt VR.

We have a limited number of these highly sought after100% merino wool jerseys for sale in medium, large, XL and XXL sizes with profits going towards our chosen charity Diabetes UK please check the TFC website for details http://www.thetwofatcyclists.co.uk/

Happy Pedaling and watch them healing vertebrae.....

Pork Pie

Phil Update

Without the focus of the bike due to Andy's accident Phil has decided to take up some new personal challenges as he tries to overcome his fear of heights and maybe eventually get on a Single Pitch Award Training Course to develop his individual skills of climbing.

So to Morfa Bay Adventure and a session with Senior Instructor Rhys Hughes. A safety brief preceded the 8m climb that the visiting Primary Schools have used extensively over the last few years. Phil mastered the climbs with ease and then decided to move on to the dreaded zip line;

the flying fox as the Year 6's call it.

Apologies but the battery ran out. He took so long to get over the edge. He did do it though.

With nothing holding him back onward and upward the fearless Phil climbed the vertical ladder to the abseil point and over he went bouncing confidently down to terra firma.

Time now Phil to move onto the real thing and get on some rock faces - big thanks to Rhys and all at Morfa Bay Adventure.

Tonight Phil and Andy start training for their Beach Life Guard exam in January 2010 with a lengthy swim at Pendine Beach.