Saturday, August 29, 2009

Flat Out In Crete

August 10, 2009 I was run down by a Greek motorist probably hitting me from behind doing 50-60 mph but slamming the brakes on the last minute. Unbelievably I remember everything, flying through the air at great speed and landing on my back with a bit of a bump.

In retrospect, I believe I went into survival mode, crawled off the road, got my bike off the road as well before it got hit and caused more damage. Reaching into my back pocket, taking my cracked helmet loose off my head I phoned Sue calmly asking for assistance. Two minutes later three Cypriot tourists turned up with their girlfriends, phoned for an ambulance while I lose consciousness and thump my head on the concrete gutter of the hard shoulder, if only I had kept my helmet on! The Cypriots help me up and water is poured on head. The Ambulance comes, caringly the driver, a non qualified paramedic punches me in the stomach and asks me if it hurts.

'Ok no hurt, get in'

The motorist who had hit me, had carried on and hidden himself 1/2 a mile up the road. When the ambulance came he then decided to come back and helped me with Sue into the back of the meat wagon. Sue is told to hurry up in no uncertain terms if she wants to go in the wagon. She rushes in as he slams the back door shut. Unstrapped I am thrown about as every pothole hit sends tremors through my body and I hang on as corners are taken at full speed. Junctions cause pain as brakes are slammed and eventually the A&E comes into sight and I am dumped in a line of screaming Greek patients.

X rays, MRI, and jelly belly check for internal damage reveals initially a broken left leg and a broken back. I need a little bit more information and slowly it is revealed that i have 4 fractures of the vertebrae in the lower lumbar region of my back and 2 fractures of the tibia in my left leg.

4 days in the orthopedic clinic ward of Chania General allows me to recover. I want to just roll over and fall asleep but instead I am stuck staring at the ceiling. Everybody in my room sleeps on their back and there are ridiculous noises throughout the night. Their families are by their side, either sleeping on the floor or on very basic chairs catching cat naps in between snores and others being sick. The bloke next to me has the most horrific broken arm but is able to play an internet game with friends if he has his mobile phone on speaker. He plays every night till midnight when he decides to settle down after having his last cigarette before trying to fall asleep. I am allowed out on condition that there is movement of the bowels. Apostoli, the nurse (male) obliges with an enema and I am allowed out. The corset also arrives. I can't imagine having this on for 5 weeks

Returning to Kournas where the girls have prepared a bed for me on the ground floor I am happy to be home so to speak. Instead of washing my hair which is full of grit and stuff from the accident Sue decides to cut it as an easier option. She hacks away as I lay prone. Villagers visit me and talk at 100 mph and wish me the best. Strangely an othopaedic doctor is on holiday in the house next to my neighbour and he visits. The corset is dispatched as nonsense and only to be worn if upright. What a relief! Boils and bedsores had started and it was all down to the corset.

10 days later after watching movie after movie I am moved by Markho and a coleague from the Beach Life Guard team to be closer to Liz and Helen. Mike takes lots of fantastic photos as the two Life Guards struggle with the 17 stone laden stretcher. Three rests later and Markho sweating over me in the 30 degree sun I realise that Mike has no card in the camera and the moment is lost. Helen has given up her bedroom. It is cooler for me and saves them walking over to me 10 times a day.



Mike watches over me and visits regularly every morning to see to my ablutions. He is unbelievable.

'You never know see I might need someone when I get older - you'd do the same for me'.

I agree and leave it that.

Dr Rowlandakis is my saviour and I don't know how I would have got through this without him. He's a shit doctor but we love him.

I get a little better every day. A small movement that was not there the previous day and slowly slowly I'm getting there. Small steps to success. Whether I'll cycle again who knows? I think I would like to - Inshalah.

Mervyn has been ill as well - a minor stroke and so close to his 60th birthday. He's ok at the moment and out of hospital but he's going to take it easy for a month or so and only drink 2 pints a night!

Keith is also in trouble and nearly lost his little finger on his left hand - Django Rudd. Surgery I hope has fixed it.

Phil also had an accident after visiting a barber and has been left with a severe skinhead - I know this trick - Stoney introduced it to me years ago. As he began to lose more hair he covered it up by having severe haircuts and in the end ended up shaving his head to hide his hair loss! Hopefully there will be a reunion of the Coast2Coast team sometime early October and the proverbial can be taken from everyone in attendance.

So here I am, fed 3 times a day, lollipops on tap. I have my hair washed once a week. I have 8 days to go to my re-assessment at the lovely Chania General, 2 days left of stomach injections to thin my blood and hopefully next week I'll be out of bed and really on the move.
THE MECHANIC

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Thursday, August 13, 2009

Artist of international renown urinates on trout shrine in act of defiance

Tuesday 11th August - Ugly scenes witnessed by anglers!!!
Ugly scenes were witnessed by a number of day anglers at Llys Y Fran Country Park on Tuesday of this week during a day of trout fishing.
A party of 4 including Craig Wood (Artist & Senior Fine Arts Lecturer), George Wood (Trout Slayer), Pepe (Friend of George) and Fat Cyclist Phil Pork Pie had up until the FLASH point enjoyed a gentle days lake fishing at the West Wales beauty spot on Tuesday afternoon.
Tempers suddenly flared when after approximately 4 hours of fruitless fishing, George Wood, managed to land a massive 10oz specimen and decided to PARADE his catch under his fathers nose.
Wood senior who had up to this point been fairly calm, suddenly errupted. It is believed the combination of sunny skies and several organic bananas fuelled the rant which culminated in Wood- Art rushing over to some near by bushes, exposing himself to local anglers, shouting `I can't do this anymore` and ending by urinating over a shrine to local trout legend Billy Resaso Claberston Wing-nut.
Wood was later calmed by friends and travelled home with the party to eat the catch. He has vowed to cut down on banana intake in the future.

Pork Pie

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The Bear is hurting again....

Monday 10th August 2009 - Mr Edwardakis has unfortuatley been injured while cycling in Crete this week.

On Monday while cycling from his holiday home in Kournas to Vrysses he was struck by a car from behind at approx 40mph. The driver initially left the scene, returned, left again but later spoke to police about his involvement in the incident.

Andy following the accident, managed to phone family members for help but later lost consciousness at the scene.

He was then taken to hospital where he is being treated for a broken vertabra in his lumber region of the lower back and a fractured Tibia in his left leg.

He is currently immobilized on his back and will remain like this for the next 5 to 6 weeks. He is expected to be moved back to Kournas in the next few days to continue his recovery.

All the best from everyone back home Mr Mao.

Phil
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