VIKING CHALLENGE 2011

CHICAGO TO NEW YORK

Objectives: to raise awareness and raise money for the charity, Carmarthenshire Children’s Centre/ Canolfan Plant Sir Gar 

The Two Fat Cyclists would like to announce a once in a lifetime challenge that will fulfil a dream for the two lardy boys. Whereas the challenge is not exactly a 'spur of the moment' thought it has been concocted in a crazy moment of madness: 


To cycle from Chicago to New York in a  week - a 750 mile trip that will be done in six days. On top of the cycle challenge, it is anticipated that the TFC will play at various pubs and open mic nights throughout the trip.

Thursday, March 8^th – fly to Chicago, CHICAGO to NEW YORK cycle 750 miles in 6 days

Friday, March 9^th UNCLE LYNDON and THE TWO FAT CYCLISTS play CHICAGO

1930 hrs performance at The Candlelite Bar  http://www.candlelitechicago.com/

Saturday March 10^th WALES v ITALY, Six Nations – After Game Gig - UNCLE LYNDON and THE TWO FAT CYCLISTS play CHICAGO,

P.M.performance at The Fado Irish Pub  http://www.fadoirishpub.com/chicago/home 

Sunday March 10^th – Friday March 16^th Cycle Chicago to New York 8-10 hours per day (100-150 miles per day) with gigs being organised in Columbus, Ohio and Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Saturday March 17^th WALES v FRANCE after match gig UNCLE LYNDON and THE TWO FAT CYCLISTS at Welsh pub in NEW YORK

Monday March 19^th – Return home

THE U.S. TEAM:

Andy Edwards, Fat Cyclist, Fat Bass Player, Backing Vocals

Phil Jenkins, Fat Cyclist, Fat Guitar, Lead Vocals

Henry Jones, Driver, Skinny Support Cyclist, Mandolin

Lyndon Williams, Driver, Guitar, Lead Vocals

Gethin Jones, Driver, Short Support Cyclist, Backing Vocals, Spoon Apprentice

The Return Of The Pendine Snot Monster

It all started so well. A blast with the Big Man AKA Andy `Mucus-man` Edwards out from Carmarthen to Llanstephan and back with the target of doing the windy 17 miles in under an hour. From the off the big man was truly 'on the bang' pushing hard on a big chain ring. I was blowing hard just to keep up. After the first 3 miles I managed to get on his rear wheel and thought here's my chance for a quick breather. Then it all started... The Snot Monster came out to play. The twelve bore nostrils had an initial blast out, followed by a good chest cleansing, some indiscriminent spitting and a final double nasal barrel salvo.

I of course being tight behind caught most of it.

I decided quickly after this that the safest place was up front and I bust a gut to get ahead.

Fortunatly there were some hills ahead and I managed to stay out of range of the nasal armoury and any collateral damage.

As we got back on to the flatter roads on the way back the big man powered past me again but fortunately by this point the rain was hammering down and any further nasal phlegm bombs or chest shrapnel would be quickly washed off..

The round trip done in an hour and one minute. But taking into account the multiple traffic light stops total ride time was 58 mins.. Job done.

Pencoed Garage Music Scene

Slowly, very slowly becoming a You Tube phenomenon 151 views since June 25th 2011 and one comment!
'When i searched for garage music, i didnt actually mean in a garage!'

07fordweaverb 1 month ago

Phil Jenkins (5)

Phil Jenkins (5): "Hot and sweaty after a solo 30 miler this morning. The big man cried off with sore finger tips and fatigue after yesterdays wind and rain soaked outing and gigging with his side project Dai Rees and the Killers last night which is who he plays with when not being 3/4 of The Two Fat Cyclists."

I Hear Them All - Caffi Iechyd Da Aug 2011

Apologies for the videoing. 

I put it on a table and hoped for the best!

Phil Jenkins

Day 4 on the BANG..

A mega hilly session around the lanes of Carmarthen with the big man who is suffering from dodgy left pedal syndrome and also an acute case of skippy gears leading to bruised kahunas as a result of several sudden impacts with the top bar on the frame...ouch!

Salvation at the Iechyd Da?

It is hoped that THE TWO FAT CYCLISTS will rise from the dead of Llanmiloe Social like a phoenix from the ashes of dissolution.

We hope to be delivered into the friendly, warm hands of Iechyd Da.

3 or 4 songs never heard before in Jacksons Lane.

Cafe Iechyd Da - a great place to try out a few new songs.

Thursday, August 25th 7p.m. and on.

Llanmiloe stole our Mojo

Yesterday afternoon was Gala Day at Llanmiloe social club complete with Live music, BBQ, face-painting and bring and buy sale.

Due to the mildly inclement weather it was amongst the aforementioned bring and buyers that we found ourselves. Setting up in the main hall instead of the packed bar as we were told that "the crowd wanted to watch the football after the rugby international has finished".

Upon arrival clad in our tradmark dungarees and old timey check shirts we were what can only be described as `stared` out by a number of locals and while setting up I was asked by one youngster, "what have you come as?" to which I answered "Grandpa f**king Walton".

The Big Man had pre-warned me that his three previous dates here had all fallen flat and that there was little atmosphere to be expected. He also confessed to having once cleared the room by the 3rd song.

I should have heeded his wise words and perhaps taken him up on an earlier offer to `pull out due to health reasons` but I was feeling good and said I want to do it and genuinley thought that Llanmiloe could do with a blast of old timey. How wrong can one be.....

We started with a couple of up tempo numbers and it was clear from the outset that it just wasn't going to happen today. Kids all over the place driving their `new` bring and buy remote control cars at our sandal clad feet and one stall had a huge colletion of inflatable instruments and animals which meant that we had within minutes of starting a 10 piece inflatable backing band consisting of guitars, saxaphones and SEAGULLS behind us for the entire set but at least it made the parents of those involved at least look our way if not clap.

After 4 or 5 numbers Ian Frog, Iannis and their children arrived and we took a short break but not before I played an imprtomtu round of that favorite radio 4 show `one song to the tune of another` (I'm sorry I haven't a clue) when I started singing the words of Deep Elem Blues to the tune of something completly different (Get Along Home Cindy). What Joy... The situation was recovered not that anyone other than Andy or I really noticed...

Frog and Iannis then took to their feet and let rip with a couple of Irish numbers including `tell me ma` and `whiskey in the jar`. At one point I could see one woman sitting in the hall shaking her head as if to say `no, enough is enough. What are you lot doing here?` it did wonders for the confidence.

Iannis and Ian's set ended with the Boyzone version of that classic `when you say nothing at all` to which the assembled crowd didn`t go nuts at all. I guess that they must have been in a state of mild shock at seeing four fat blokes two wearing dungarees and two looking like mildly obese biblical characters (Iannis - Fat Jesus and Ian - rotund John the Baptist) singing late 90's boyband pop.

By this time we'd really gone to work on the crowd and the numbers were dwindling fast with tables being cleared and being packed away at a rate of knots.

During our second interval Andy looked at the clock, `6pm we've got 30mins left to clear the place he` muttered.

The `other` song book came out in a deveation from gigs of late and we decided on a few Stereophonics numbers and some more rockier tunes but Llanmiloe was having none of it. Not a single ripple of a clap was heard all night. Again the big man looks at me `13mins left`.

Stuck in the Middle followed by a drawn out Fulsom Prison blues and the big hand has reached the six and were opening the back door and unplugging gear before taking our instruments off.

We laugh at the thought of what has just happened most of the way home and can't believe the complete lack of atmosphere in the place. We actually played pretty well. Andy says that we could do with another gig just to wash the thought of what has just happened from us. We need a cleansing gig. I decide that Llanmiloe Gala stole our Mojo and that a restoritive chinese take away and a couple of glasses of wine is in order and off home I go still in a state of disbelief of what has gone before.

Still £100 in the charity bag...

Pictured left is a bearded Cretan from Penyfan, Llanelli with the legendary Glyn Davies belting out Green Green Grass as only Glyn can do!
Porkpie

Probably too much and a bit un-PC for the blog?

This weeks caption competition saw entries from all over the globe;

There were hundreds and hundreds of fantastic suggestion and unfortunately we cannot print them all!

The editorial team have chosen the top 5 as follows;

1. After a drink and drug fuelled few days, George Michael looked and sounded a little worse for wear. (O. Beese, Fat Camp, Texas)

2. "iiiiii-iii amm a mannnnn of constant sorr...ehem sorry bois can we start again?" (P. Rob-Lee Happened, Caerphilly)

3. By inserting his finger Pork Pie Phil thought he might reach that high note....he of course didn't, but he did enjoy it. (Will Tryanything / Tobie Goode, Sydney)

4. The promotional stills for 'Rain Man 2: The Retard Records' came out just as planned. (Jesus Christ, Heaven)

5. After months of Slimmers World, Porky finally gave up and commiserated by releasing a cover of Michael Jackson's 'Beat It' entitled 'Eat It'... (Roly Poly, Sandwich, UK)