Thursday, September 3, 2009

Pork Pie & Chunky Monkey Lloyd-Hughes SUP trip to Laugharne


Wednesday 2nd September 2009
Stand up paddle board adventure St Clears to Laugharne








Solo Fat Cyclist Phil Pork Pie and Chunky Monkey Rhys Lloyd Hughes (Step Son and business partner of the injured half of the charity cycling duo Mao Tse` Edwardakis) set off on their new toys (Stand up paddle boards) from St Clears boat club to paddle down river to the beautiful hamlet of Laugharne.

In deteriorating weather conditions we struggled early on and as FATigue set in, and in strengthening head winds and howling rain storms the final leg into Laugharne was a near disaster.
Early on confidence was high with both of us getting to our feet and feeling fairly comfortable. However after 2hrs of battling worsening conditions, failing light and jelly legs we were both thankful to see our destination in site.

Chunky said that he had always wanted to paddle down this stretch of the river and had ideas of using this as an activity for groups from Morfa Bay when sea conditions are not right. However even with his legendary stamina (according to Kim) he was as glad as I to see the finish line in sight.













Surfing outer reef at Pendine sands this weekend Look out
Laird Kahuna Pork Pie Hamilton...

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Crete Update

Tesco Insurance insisted that I visit a private hospital in Chania, to get re-assessed and stay overnight – X rays, CT scan etc. The hospital was like a hotel, top food and caring people and a doctor that kept you in the loop. They found I had 2 clean breaks of my left leg - bi polar breaks so I am in plaster now for 6 weeks. The public hospital said that I had two small fractures and nothing to worry about. I was given the option of plaster or an operation, put a few screws in and have no plaster. My back is wrecked but will be ok. The fractures of the vertebrae are on the end of the vertebrae - soft tissue to a certain extent and will be fixed in time - maybe another 10 days of taking it easy. I now have crutches and Doctor has told me to move a short distance every day. I also have a harness contraption to support my upper body so that I don't bend forward - 10 days on that if I sit up or walk.

Coming back in the ambulance yesterday afternoon the kind drivers seemed to hit every pothole going and seemed to be in a hurry as any car that slowed them down was given the sirens and told to move over. On arrival they asked me to walk. I virtually collapsed in the heat of the afternoon and was lucky not to pass out. Sweating profusely, with my head spinning I demanded a chair to sit down. I would definitely have keeled over. Who would have said that a journey of less than 10 yards would have been so exhaustive? They then decided that I could use a wheelchair and that they would carry me up the steps! To put a nicely - initially lazy ambulance men!

This morning I attempted to get to the bathroom. I made it with a few wobbles on the way. It’s not far mind – five crutch steps. Shouting. ‘Mike’ to help. He decides to take a photo. Mike has a new nickname: the stool pigeon. He sits on a chair and coos at me. Left:: he gets his daily pay of 10 euros


Movement Agenda for today September 3rd 2009:

a.m. walk to bathroom 5 steps

p.m. sit up for lunch 2 steps

evening – move outside and sit in alcove – maybe play backgammon! 5 steps

So big steps to recovery in the last few days but I know it

will take time. I go back to the hospital on the 11th. They will cut open the plaster so that I can fly sometime after the 11th.

Best to fly after 9:11!

Inshallah


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Saturday, August 29, 2009

Flat Out In Crete

August 10, 2009 I was run down by a Greek motorist probably hitting me from behind doing 50-60 mph but slamming the brakes on the last minute. Unbelievably I remember everything, flying through the air at great speed and landing on my back with a bit of a bump.

In retrospect, I believe I went into survival mode, crawled off the road, got my bike off the road as well before it got hit and caused more damage. Reaching into my back pocket, taking my cracked helmet loose off my head I phoned Sue calmly asking for assistance. Two minutes later three Cypriot tourists turned up with their girlfriends, phoned for an ambulance while I lose consciousness and thump my head on the concrete gutter of the hard shoulder, if only I had kept my helmet on! The Cypriots help me up and water is poured on head. The Ambulance comes, caringly the driver, a non qualified paramedic punches me in the stomach and asks me if it hurts.

'Ok no hurt, get in'

The motorist who had hit me, had carried on and hidden himself 1/2 a mile up the road. When the ambulance came he then decided to come back and helped me with Sue into the back of the meat wagon. Sue is told to hurry up in no uncertain terms if she wants to go in the wagon. She rushes in as he slams the back door shut. Unstrapped I am thrown about as every pothole hit sends tremors through my body and I hang on as corners are taken at full speed. Junctions cause pain as brakes are slammed and eventually the A&E comes into sight and I am dumped in a line of screaming Greek patients.

X rays, MRI, and jelly belly check for internal damage reveals initially a broken left leg and a broken back. I need a little bit more information and slowly it is revealed that i have 4 fractures of the vertebrae in the lower lumbar region of my back and 2 fractures of the tibia in my left leg.

4 days in the orthopedic clinic ward of Chania General allows me to recover. I want to just roll over and fall asleep but instead I am stuck staring at the ceiling. Everybody in my room sleeps on their back and there are ridiculous noises throughout the night. Their families are by their side, either sleeping on the floor or on very basic chairs catching cat naps in between snores and others being sick. The bloke next to me has the most horrific broken arm but is able to play an internet game with friends if he has his mobile phone on speaker. He plays every night till midnight when he decides to settle down after having his last cigarette before trying to fall asleep. I am allowed out on condition that there is movement of the bowels. Apostoli, the nurse (male) obliges with an enema and I am allowed out. The corset also arrives. I can't imagine having this on for 5 weeks

Returning to Kournas where the girls have prepared a bed for me on the ground floor I am happy to be home so to speak. Instead of washing my hair which is full of grit and stuff from the accident Sue decides to cut it as an easier option. She hacks away as I lay prone. Villagers visit me and talk at 100 mph and wish me the best. Strangely an othopaedic doctor is on holiday in the house next to my neighbour and he visits. The corset is dispatched as nonsense and only to be worn if upright. What a relief! Boils and bedsores had started and it was all down to the corset.

10 days later after watching movie after movie I am moved by Markho and a coleague from the Beach Life Guard team to be closer to Liz and Helen. Mike takes lots of fantastic photos as the two Life Guards struggle with the 17 stone laden stretcher. Three rests later and Markho sweating over me in the 30 degree sun I realise that Mike has no card in the camera and the moment is lost. Helen has given up her bedroom. It is cooler for me and saves them walking over to me 10 times a day.



Mike watches over me and visits regularly every morning to see to my ablutions. He is unbelievable.

'You never know see I might need someone when I get older - you'd do the same for me'.

I agree and leave it that.

Dr Rowlandakis is my saviour and I don't know how I would have got through this without him. He's a shit doctor but we love him.

I get a little better every day. A small movement that was not there the previous day and slowly slowly I'm getting there. Small steps to success. Whether I'll cycle again who knows? I think I would like to - Inshalah.

Mervyn has been ill as well - a minor stroke and so close to his 60th birthday. He's ok at the moment and out of hospital but he's going to take it easy for a month or so and only drink 2 pints a night!

Keith is also in trouble and nearly lost his little finger on his left hand - Django Rudd. Surgery I hope has fixed it.

Phil also had an accident after visiting a barber and has been left with a severe skinhead - I know this trick - Stoney introduced it to me years ago. As he began to lose more hair he covered it up by having severe haircuts and in the end ended up shaving his head to hide his hair loss! Hopefully there will be a reunion of the Coast2Coast team sometime early October and the proverbial can be taken from everyone in attendance.

So here I am, fed 3 times a day, lollipops on tap. I have my hair washed once a week. I have 8 days to go to my re-assessment at the lovely Chania General, 2 days left of stomach injections to thin my blood and hopefully next week I'll be out of bed and really on the move.
THE MECHANIC

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Thursday, August 13, 2009

Artist of international renown urinates on trout shrine in act of defiance

Tuesday 11th August - Ugly scenes witnessed by anglers!!!
Ugly scenes were witnessed by a number of day anglers at Llys Y Fran Country Park on Tuesday of this week during a day of trout fishing.
A party of 4 including Craig Wood (Artist & Senior Fine Arts Lecturer), George Wood (Trout Slayer), Pepe (Friend of George) and Fat Cyclist Phil Pork Pie had up until the FLASH point enjoyed a gentle days lake fishing at the West Wales beauty spot on Tuesday afternoon.
Tempers suddenly flared when after approximately 4 hours of fruitless fishing, George Wood, managed to land a massive 10oz specimen and decided to PARADE his catch under his fathers nose.
Wood senior who had up to this point been fairly calm, suddenly errupted. It is believed the combination of sunny skies and several organic bananas fuelled the rant which culminated in Wood- Art rushing over to some near by bushes, exposing himself to local anglers, shouting `I can't do this anymore` and ending by urinating over a shrine to local trout legend Billy Resaso Claberston Wing-nut.
Wood was later calmed by friends and travelled home with the party to eat the catch. He has vowed to cut down on banana intake in the future.

Pork Pie

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The Bear is hurting again....

Monday 10th August 2009 - Mr Edwardakis has unfortuatley been injured while cycling in Crete this week.

On Monday while cycling from his holiday home in Kournas to Vrysses he was struck by a car from behind at approx 40mph. The driver initially left the scene, returned, left again but later spoke to police about his involvement in the incident.

Andy following the accident, managed to phone family members for help but later lost consciousness at the scene.

He was then taken to hospital where he is being treated for a broken vertabra in his lumber region of the lower back and a fractured Tibia in his left leg.

He is currently immobilized on his back and will remain like this for the next 5 to 6 weeks. He is expected to be moved back to Kournas in the next few days to continue his recovery.

All the best from everyone back home Mr Mao.

Phil
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Saturday, July 25, 2009

Mexico meets Morfa Bay - Music, Lager, Tequila, Lemons & Limes

24th July 2009 - Opening night of the new facility at Morfa Bay, Pendine last night. 500 bottles of Corona, 100 bottles of Sol, wine, wine wine and 3 litres of Tequila made for a fun music and food filled night which ended with Mr R Lovell vomiting all over himself and some of the new furnishings during the `Who can take the Heat!` extreme chilli eating contest.
The evening started with guest of honour the Duchess of Glendaloch, Mrs Estelle Kelly arriving in a open top car escorted by her loyal man servant, Commodore Merv Cooper. After a quick inspection of the gringo honour guard. The Duchess cut the ceremonial ribbon and the evening got underway.
Around 80 guests had turned out to celebrate with the staff of Morfa Bay and after introductions the drinking began in earnest.
De`mandy, Mandy and Tess Wood served up chicken fajita wraps and salad for all and The Two Fat Cyclists got the music going with a couple of acoustic numbers. Soon joined by Big Uncle
` I don't want to steal the limelight` Lyndon and Keef (Page 18) Rudd on lead. This saw the tempo and volume increase and Lyndon `I hide my light under a bushell` Williams breaking into Rockin in the free world and some Quo.

Throughout the evening the band were joined on guest slots by Comodore Merv Cooper (La Cucaracha) and Jason Rees (La Bamba- rapped at approx 1000 beats per min) and Ceri Daniel (Valarie)

While all this was going on, the new CCTV surveillance cameras linked to the large plasma screen behind the band picked up scantily clad people running about the outdoor activities. This culminated with a semi naked female well known to staff climbing the tower in Bra and knickers.

The penultimate event of the evening was the Marching song with Merv`El Stump` Cooper drumming and singing.

The evening ended with an extreme chilli eating contest. measured in scoville heat units (SHU) we started with mild green and red chillis (2500 SHU), working through birds eye (100,000 SHU), red chilli bombs (120,000 SHU), the fearsome scotch bonnet (300,000 SHU) and finishing on the devilisly hot Dorset Naga (at an astounding 923,000 SHU!!!).

Rules were; no drinking (or being sick Mr R Lovell DNF), all chillis must be chewed, last man or woman standing wins. A few early surprise casualities included Mr. Rhys Page who was very shortly joined by Gethin`The man mountain`Jones. Last standing and joint winners were El Stump and Jason `La Bamba` Rees.

Around £150 was raised for Diabetes UK from drink sales and a great night was had by all.

Happy Moustaches
Phil `Xavier Pork Pancho` Pie

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Monday, July 20, 2009

Three Gig Weekend

Friday, 24th Mexican Party - Morfa Bay Adventure 7 p.m. - TWO FAT CYCLISTS PJ and the Bear are joined by many bandits for a fun party. Mervyn 'Stumpy' Cooper will perform on lead vocals on La Cucaracha and will also play the spoons. He even might do a 'Haka' and might even sing and play the well known drum solo: 'March You B##st##ds'

A split in the cyclists mean the team are in two places at once!

Saturday, 25th Laugharne Carnival - New Three Mariners 5.30 p.m. - 8.30 p.m. - LIFE'S TOO SHORT - Keith and Andy duo singalong in the beer garden!

Saturday, 25th - Wedding in Porthcawl - PJ and his Uncle Lyndon

All gigs raising money for Diabetes UK
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Sunday, July 19, 2009

Two Gig Weekend

The TFC's hit The Three Mariners on Friday night to a packed out pub full of Friday afternoon drinkers. Joined by Ceri the Hen and her mates meant that the numbers swelled in the pub to overflowing as the hits poured out from Phil's enormous repetoire of top singalongs. The first set nerves soon calmed down as PJ launched in to some new songs that brought tears to the eyes of some locals. Requests for some Pete Seeger were eagerly taken on and 'Dan Tucker' and 'Pay Me My Money' entertained the crowd. I was taken aside at a break by Dai Tux and told that Dan Tucker was his fathers' nickname when he was in the 'Chindits'. Another great night and £120 put in the charity bucket.

Saturday night - Llandowror Fete, venue for 'Life's Too Short', a 3 piece band: Keith (60)on guitar, Frank (67) on drums and one fat cyclist on bass. Tonight we are joined unexpectedly by an unknown guitarist on lead guitar. Never having met the guy before and not knowing what our set list is, I shout out key letters as the songs go on. What a fantastic guitar player! Keith riffs back and for with the guitarist and the crowd are given an outstanding fretboard display close to genius considering the lack of practice. The people of Llandowror are a lovely bunch: their fete is well attended with stalls and sports for the youngsters, a bar and refreshments for everyone and a warm welcome to anyone and everyone. Another £50 hits the bottom of the bucket!

Bookings taken for either band. Please e mail teddypenllew@googlemail.com

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Shutt VR.

The guys are Shutt VR have designed a new cycle jersey for 'The Two Fat Cyclists'. The design will incorporate the Diabetes bird on the arms coupled with the Diabetes UK colours.

Shutt VR. Traditional cycling jerseys in merino sport wool hand made in the UK

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Pendine Music Fringe Festival

We kicked off as close to midday as possible. Paul and Helen at The Spring Well graciously allowed us to busk all afternoon. The Two Fat Cyclists click into the first half hour set, only to be invited to join the main stage as a few bands hadn't turned up and they were deprived of any live music.

Five songs on the main stage and an uncourteous call for us to stop collecting cash for the charity! Nice!!

Neil Young's 'Rocking in The Free World', Spinal Tap's 'All the Way Home' Stereophonics, 'Goldfish Bowl, Honky Tonk Woman, Folsom Prison Blues and a special rendition of 'Strongbow' to the tune of James Morrison's 'Beautiful'.

Back to the Fringe Fest and a non stop singalong for the next four hours. Occasionally joined by a very drunk Eldon 'I can sing live', who just wanted to sing any Stereophonic song, Eric Clapton's, 'Wonderful Tonight' or 'Purple Rain' a couple of times.

'Who needs Indie bands when you've got an Indoor band', quips Eldon.

What a great afternoon - thank you everyone for singing along, clapping and putting your hands in your pockets and raising £158 for Diabetes UK.

Next gig - The Three Mariners, Laugharne - Friday, July 17th - 8 till late.